You might already be acquainted; but just in case you’re not, let me introduce you to an entity that is formally known as the Central Board of Film Certification (aka CBFC). You can keep calling it that until you get to know it better…when you realize that CBFC does a lot more than just certify films as its name suggests…when you will join the ranks of the millions of friends who know it by the apt nickname ‘Censor Board’.
So the Congress/UPA appointed Pseudo-sickular Hindu-hating Leftist Libtard members of the Board were trying to live up to their ancient glorious nickname by outright denying certification to a film…
Humein certificate deny karna apne aapko certificate deny karne jaisa hai!
…When the entire Cosmos (especially the ruling dispensation) came rushing to deny the denial of certification. Freedom of speech won. And the movie spawned a hashtag that trended for days on Twitter #BlockBusterMSG.
The Chairperson and a ton of members of the Censor Board resigned, which was a great thing. Because now all these anti-national pseudo-intellectual Commie bastards could be replaced with members full of Nationalistic Pride and Honor. And that is exactly what happened! How do I know? Because the new members were affiliated in some way or the other with either the BJP or one of the many members of the great Indian joint family known as the Sangh Parivar…and anyone who has anything to do with these organizations is so full of nationalistic pride and honor that they keep spilling some on their surroundings constantly.
Now that the Congress cronies who dared oppose Saint Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh Ji Insaan the Love Charging Messenger of God were gone and replaced by the True Patriots and Champions of the Nation appointed by the Messiah and his council of Apostles, the Censor Board would obviously become an exemplary institution above any possibility of reproach. Maybe we would even start calling it CBFC out of respect again.
Yes, they came out with an official list of words so bad that even films with an A certificate couldn’t use them.
Even though the notice doesn’t say so, let us assume that this list is meant to be exhaustive. So films are free to use the words not in this list!
The English list doesn’t include 4 of George Carlin’s 7 Words You Can’t Say on TV, so they’re fine – Shit, Piss, Tits and Cunt if you were curious. I’m counting Cunt on a technicality…because even though the list proscribes Fucking Cunt it doesn’t mention Cunt without the Fucking qualification, which it does in the case of Dick and Bitch.
So yeah, if you want English curses in your film to pass uncensored, replace all of them with Cunt. Or you can watch an episode of South Park and find hundreds of choice curse words not covered by this pathetic list of 13 that wastes spots on Screw and Pussy (what if the film is talking about the fastening device or a cat?). If you need more options there are many Delhi-Bombay born and raised types who could help you out. Because I am from the Heartland and therefore far more comfortable cursing in Hindi (anyway, it just doesn’t feel like a cussword unless it’s not in the language you grew up cursing in…the visceral feeling of saying Madarchod will never be matched by Motherfucker).
So here’s a list of Hindi cusses the Censor board missed out on its list (because they were too busy pleasing the Senas by including Bombay in the list…or maybe because the only cusswords they knew in Hindi are the ones they heard in Anurag Kashyap’s films) and therefore theoretically you could use in a film.
- Chod (I can’t believe they didn’t include this one)
- Phuphichod, Dadichod, Nanichod, Chachichod or other creative variations on this theme.
- Alternate pronunciations of Bhenchod. From the spelling they use, I gather that they don’t want the Bombay pronunciation being used. Some alternatives are – Painchod (Punjabi), Painchod (Haryanvi), Behenchod (UP/Bihar), Baanchod (Bengal) or my personal favorite variant from UP Bahinchod.
- ___________ Ke Chode (Insert any word in the blank. E.g. Angrez ke chode)
- Ghashti, Chinaal, Laudi
- Certain abusive “torms” (related to sex/when used in sexual terms) like Pelna, Marana, Phaadna, Ghusedna, Ghusana.
NOTE: The Board also proscribes “Double meaning any kind of words”, so I have used words that have only one meaning.
This list is by no means exhaustive. There are many more where this came from, and the kinds of permutations and combinations that a creative mind could build up out of these would take the collective intelligence of the small-brained people who create such lists, centuries to codify.